I should care.

I am I am I am.

I am in existence...I think.

I feel like I'm hovering today. Between thought and reality. What reality am I living anyway? A kind of fog has moved in, a haze. I can't decipher if what I'm feeling is even real.

I don't know if it's my lack of decent sleep that's brought this on. Or maybe my overindulgence in drink lately. Maybe it was Thomas Pynchon. I don't know, but this kind of existence is an old friend. An old friend whose visits are not always invited, but whom I've come to tolerate and understand over the years.

Big changes are on the horizon. I've already made the decision, which is HUGE. For me. Now I just wait for it to happen. However I'm feeling a lot more anxious than I would have expected. I can imagine that that these anxieties will only grow in time.

I think I am doing the right thing.

Maybe I should drop some acid. LSD. Nothing like induced psychosis to find out what's really going on in there. As I've learned this week, "Breakdown is to breakthrough," is what RD Lang wrote in the 60s. But then again he ended up permanently crazy didn't he?

Okay. No acid.

But I will get to the bottom of this one way or another.